It's been awhile.

It's been years since I've posted on my blog. However, I felt that I need to come back here just to get things off my shoulders.

Do you remember the feeling when you've loved someone so much, that you would practically do anything for them? Keep them smiling? Make them feel beautiful every time you're with them?
I thought I had that chance again to be with someone that I've loved all my life.
But that only lasted for 3-4 months. Foundations. Mother. The Past.

I was so overwhelmed that I had her back in my life again after all these years.
Weeks after summercamp, everything changed. We fell back into eachothers hearts. We felt like we had somewhat, a connection ever since coming back from Summercamp.
We started talking about what's been happening since we first broke up. Three years later, we started talking about "Foundations."
How we're planning on setting things up for eachother in the future. Hoping to be future partners in the future. I loved her with a passion & I was willing to pull myself out of my own comfort zone just to make her happy. To be her "Best boyfriend she's ever had" ... again.

I miss her so much. She wants to be only bestfriends. Nothing more. Her words, the name she calls me .. I wish I could repeat that moment.
The sad thing is that, everytime I'm with someone & I have a problem with them, I resort into thinking about Paris only because the younger years is what made me smile. I'm being honest. I'm not going to lie. I always thought of her only because it made me smile..

God. Please keep me strong. I thought this is what you wanted, for me to be with someone that holds a great passion for you as well as I do too..

It's been 1-2 years since I've posted on this blog again .. & obviously I've changed. Growing up into a man that God wants me to be.

It's the most suckiest feeling when I realised how close I was, to having her back in my life again.. One small complication can shift emotions around heavily. I don't know whether I should fight for her or not .. I love her so much.

God, please prepare me for the worst. My hearts ready.